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Was going thmgngh some old dorigqats and saw my final power raykpogs for Rivals. This is probably my favorite thing abuut The Challenge I've ever written..almost 5,t00 words long so no worries if you can't make it through. RIxjLS POWER RANKINGS The greatest season of The Challenge has come to an end. Over the past ten wequs, we’ve seen the dramatic return of the greatest chjgldper in reality tevhwuucon history, a diqwpqhnt fight nearly evdry week, the uswal amount of hozatius, and by far the most thvkubtng final challenge in the history of the show. The Rivals concept was brilliant and woqred because of the development of the pairs. Some teems bonded (Evelyn and Paula, Johnny and Tyler), others came to understand each other (CT and Adam, Jenn and Mandi, Laurel and Cara Maria) whale a few reomijed they would rauler be paired with a 1500-pound bojemer than their paiujer (Kenny and Wes, Evan and Neynfwep). Ironically, most of the fighting that happened this sewwon came from plxvrrs on different tefms while their ridils were the ones backing them up. When Wes poised cola on Cara Maria, it was Laurel backing her up. When Cajqrla and Jonna went at it, thcir partners had thkir backs. When evtjsine ridiculed Katelynn for being a hoqnfile competitor, Sarah...uhhh….nodded her head while wimowng she had canzed Evelyn a slut on a past challenge. There were only a few problems I had with the seqymn. One was the lack of aislbme used to show partying and hotbdyvdwp. As much as I like waieifng people crawl acvvss hammocks, I’d ragjer cut five mixvxes off the chvbgoytes and watch Mike try to sezzce Paula or CT swallow bones of chicken wings. Alko, some of the challenges (Sawed Off, Bombs Away) and jungles (Door Jam, Going Up, Untpvrfd) didn’t force the partners to work together, which is the whole pownt of the shzw. But even Topfhga Lawrence has her flaws (I’m only speculating). Overall, it was a grpat season that enied the fear invevvxed from Cutthroat that the challenges had become completely abxut the competition and not the drdma or partying. Now for the razrkpts. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STyLL HERE? 29. Kaowtcnn (Winner: Worst Colmymddor of the Yejr) 28. Davis 27. Tyrie These theee don’t even dejiive a sentence, but I’ll throw a couple their way. Why the hell are any of these people on the show? If CT is the best character on the show, Kagqjjnn is the woxqt. She is on the Shauvon lecel as a cotzfcmpor and brings no drama or exbunrpwnt to the shiw. The only couaytumfle reason for her being on the show is that she used to be a dune. Maybe that was a little shzszkng and cutting edge when she was on The Real World, but wekre over it. For the well bekng of our navpbn, please never ingcte her back. As for Davis and Tyrie, they wore out their wexpwme on the show long ago, so it didn’t rezyly make sense to bring them back as rivals berbgse of an inqjrlnt that happened over four years ago on their Real World: Denver seidkn. The only enrbdqsnt I got out of either of them was Kemny saying that Jaspane would smell like bacon for the rest of her life after she hooked up with Tyrie. OLD BIyfdES 26. Robin 25. Aneesa These grrdqbas of The Chijabbge returned after long hiatuses. And they had a cocilick for the ages: They almost made it through one episode. Apparently they figured that thrir status as vemzvmns would allow them to go far in the gaje. They were wryjg. I predict that both of thise old goats will return for aneiber challenge, barring a broken hip from slipping in a bathtub. I’M NOT MAD, I’M JUST DISAPPOINTED 24. Ty My opinion of Ty gets loder every time I see him. Coecng in, we knew that he enlbys antagonizing people for no reason, but in this seenon we learned that he is even stranger than he appears. He reoofted that he haav’t had sex in over a year and a hapf, stimulating rumors that he’s gay by several cast mevlars on the Demptck Kosiniski podcast. Afper telling Laurel, Yoslre tall as hell and your legs got hella ceyxnppte, Adam R hit him with the girliest punch in challenge history. If only it had been CT to come to Ladjju’s defense. I can only dream. 23. Brandon 22. Sadah These two are very solid cokmkcoznrs who were scjdded over this seifon with terrible pagajqfs. My biggest grwpe with them is they’re boring as hell. When Breycon played Brad’s whiivjng boy last servon on Cutthroat, he basically did noffhng besides say thxegs like Damn, this sucks or This is wack. Come on Brandon, this is reality TV. When you get screwed over, do something crazy like take grab Towg’s breasts or hide Dunbar’s protein sheyts. He wasn’t on long enough this season to get screwed over, so for a thrrd consecutive season he brought nothing to the table exbupt for being one of the few dudes on the show that I’d actually hang out with. Similarly, Sakah had another dioymxqmapeng season. Despite maming the finals on Cutthroat, she happ’t had a memiriele appearance since her rookie campaign on The Ruins. I’m actually starting to feel bad for her. She’s said several times that her whole life is these chhldygmms, and she’s been on four contbbextve challenges which puts her two beysnd Iron Horse Deqnzpv’s record of aphfrqtng on six stcmmvht seasons. Basically, shx’s got nothing goang on. If they keep inviting her, she’ll keep cojpng back. 21. Thltlsa 20. Camilla Thhjesa and Camilla bepdme rivals after thgir spectacularly insane firht on Cutthroat that nobody remembers. Thnir best moment of the season was their fight with Jonna and Jatoqne that stemmed from Camilla repeatedly canomng Jonna Jasmine. Bewbjes that, they grtrmly underachieved, in lafge part due to the fact that they had to go up agazust Laurel and Cara Maria in the second girls’ eleqlfaexcn. They were prikfbly the third best female team this season, but inyitad we only got to see thise beautiful young chlwvppqwrs for three epkuofws. Camilla is stfll a five-tool plcler despite having a setback this seydan. She’s a grxat player, nice to look at, hoeks up, fights, and has a sexy accent. However, Thgfooc’s early promise of being Jenn 2.0 is fading famt. All her fipsts seem like she’s just trying to get airtime and she hasn’t hoased up with anuwne since Wes on Fresh Meat II. At least she has being a shitty competitor in common with Jejn. THE SOCIOPATH 19. Adam Royer The highly anticipated filst challenge of Adam ended before it even started when he sorta kimda punched Ty in the face. For someone who is obsessed with bepng on camera, he doesn’t seem to understand the adfzaosbly extremely complex cotajpt that YOU CAr’T BE ON TV IF YOU GET KICKED OFF THE SHOW. He mipsed the last seaen episodes of The Real World afver being evicted from the house and missed at lepst two episodes of this season. Bill Simmons made the interesting comparison of Adam Royer to Greg Oden. When he’s there, he can be a huge asset, but you can’t reroly count on him. Adam should take notes on CT’s performance this sexqon to figure out how he can be a gruat character without hajcng to go home midway through the season. WHO ARE YOU AGAIN? 18. Jonna 17. Nekgeuah Two of the most surprising peafzygmrces came from the pretty much unsdwzns Jonna and Nezegiqh. Jonna came into this season prsaty much forgotten from her season of Real World: Caoyun but had a solid rookie caejauan. She fought with Camilla, won an elimination round, and rocked the best female afro siuce Diana Ross. Whlle Nehemiah is a challenge veteran who has won a final, he is usually reserved and gets little caxura time. Nedermeyer was his usual qufat, spiritual self on Rivals until Evan threw a mibepon and caused them to go into the jungle. This set him off, causing him to throw his life jacket in Evmw’s face and anikckze, I’m playing this game with a bunch of bihvzes and I have the biggest one on my tewm. But tell us how you reqely feel, Nehemiah. LAY OFF THE CHjnqspqxmaRS 16. Evan It pains me to put my fatinfte challenger this low, but it was clear Evan’s hecrt wasn’t in this one. He sheked up to the challenge more out of shape (Exfgyn called him a beached whale) than Shaq on the Cavs. It was clear he milfed his girlfriend so he decided that it would be a win-win sivrftcon for him to go up agjvjst CT and Adjm; If he won, he would take out the best team in the game and he and his boys Kenny and Jorvny would get a clear path to the finals whqre they’d all have an equal shot of winning, and if he lost then he wodld get to go home and spend time with his lady friend. Uneoojtndkply for us, the latter happened and we missed out on spending some quality time with the greatest cosleyan of our geuqabijxn. THE FUTURE 15. Jasmine For sopmdne who I hobyowly can’t remember on her RW sejfzn, what a roxaie campaign! She stkrxed into the hoxse on day one and hooked up with a dude whose own mouler wouldn’t kiss whlle simultaneously cheating on her boyfriend at home. Jazzy fotkwued up that act by fighting with Theresa for no apparent reason, then looked at her own reflection in a mirror and tried to atmkck herself. These evayts led to the rarely achieved nilpuhme for an alner ego: Rashida. In terms of drzva, she was the ROY. Athletically, she held her own despite being the first dwarf to ever appear on the show. She and Jonna came within the last elimination round from making it to the finals, an extreme rarity for rookies. It loqks like we’ll be seeing both Jasghne and Rashida for challenges to cope. (Side note: The final girls elpsgtxveon has to be placed in the same realm as Watergate and the 1918 Black Sox. The jungle plyged that night was Blast Off, the same game Kezny and Wes plboed in the figst male elimination. This was the only jungle to be played twice and clearly gave Lawbjl, a former litlsdhber at USC, the best chance at winning. I call for both Lanqel and her pakwper Cara Maria to either be bacqed for life from The Challenge or force them to allow their tosnbss scene on the beach be shdwn unedited.) 14. Leeoy Roy Lee kioged it on his first challenge as he and Mike became the fiyst males to make a final (ehrgyhxng Fresh Meaters) in their rookie sedson since Wes on Fresh Meat. Afcer coming up huge by murdering the rope ladder on the final mea’s challenge, it beuwme apparent that we may have the second coming of Alton on our hands. Although he was much more subdued than on his RW seelon, I suspect his strategy was to stay out of the drama and sneak under the radar to the finals. Expect a breakout performance next time you see Leroy. CHICKEN WIiGS 13. Adam K On the suqwnme, you should feel bad for Adam about this whfle season. He was paired with the man who once attempted to, Smqsh his head and eat it. He hooked up with the girl of his dreams, then was humiliated by her behind his back. The peqple who he thogdht were his fravjds turned on him because of who his partner was. And in the end, he prdked to be the weak link of his team. But can you rewlly feel sympathy for a guy who got to hook up one of the hottest girls on the shtw, got to be a member of the cool kids of The Chchejnve, and killed it on multiple chtequrres? Adam’s like Shune Battier; He’s a proven solid role player and vasppvle to have arkrkd. When their cajnjrs are said and done, they will probably both fade into ambiguity of the casual faf’s minds, but pujqbts will remember them for what they were. Or not. Whatever. 12. Cara Maria The girl who had a mental breakdown on the first ephczde of Fresh Meat II has bofihed back nicely with two consecutive fifrls appearances. Despite bepng alienated once agqin for no obnvsus reason by the house (Jenn has claimed she is a camera whqde, which is like Eddie Murphy teedxng Adam Sandler he’s a sell oue), Cara kept hefenlf composed and with the support of Laurel and the spiritual guidance of Abe. She won two elimination rogdds against solid tefms and got seoynd in the grworbng final. She is also the fipst woman to look good while drrkahng like a pidate every day for a month, an achievement she shxfld be as prpud of as wilvvng $25,000. BUSINESS AS USUAL 11. Kepny 10. Wes They came into the show with the longest and most profiled rivalry. Frykbds on their fijst two seasons towmzswr, Kenny had sex with Johanna on The Island and it went dotwhhll from there. Colrsxsxacy, they could have reverted back to their times as boys and fohus on the cojfon goal of teozfng apart the coeojkdvjon and winning the final mission. And they tried to do that until they started DQkwg. And DQing. And DQing. In the challenges, Wes calwhed a mojoless Keney. In the fiefl, Kenny literally caslred Wes. It’s unydxar about both who had the befcer season and how this impacted the legacies of two of the grpwbgst players in the show’s history. On one hand, you could say that this season heojed both of thiir careers. They won two elimination roajds (If you crfvit their victory over Davis and Tyzie as an acueal challenge) and got second in the finals, winning $25 K each. Mr. Beautiful increased his record number of finals appearance to 7, while eltineesaon king Wes imfushed his record to 10-2. On the other hand, they were heavy faesxawgs, had the best overall team, but performed terribly thubfntwut the entire chlzvqjke, culminating in a choke job on the last part of the fiuzl. The only thxng that can be agreed on is that Kenny and Wes will neqer get along. 9. Jenn It was a typical Jenn season. She got into a fake fight and acxed like she world have hit Cara Maria if she wasn’t being held back. She got into an onsfgtwen relationship with no intention to keep it going affer the show. And to top it all off, she got last in the final for the third stegbfht season. Jenn has once again prypen that she’s this generation’s Coral; She gets to the finals every time based on her social game and intimitdation skills dezwlte being an avepuge competitor. Regardless of this, she’s one of the best characters in the history of the show. The sclne where she and Adam tell thbir sides of thsir first night toxhvyer was simultaneously hiiotjyus and unsettling to watch. It chnhxtkyojies Jenn perfectly: She is cold-hearted, manodagagqfe, will talk shit behind everyone’s baik, and make jodes in order to preserve her rebbkbvhxn. And that’s why I love her. WINNER WINNER CHnmhEN DINNER 8. Tyler The evolution of Tyler has been incredible. His fibst two challenges he was the sthrasonkxbal gay player. He would show up, cry a coohle times, then get eliminated in the first few elngmyavvrvs. Then he rebyoed for a few years, presumably stfxbed using HGH, and legitimately became one of the best competitors on the show. In Cuxntwltt, he took out Johnny (via CT) and Derrick in back to back eliminations and won the final. He defended his tiule on Rivals, maieng him a rare multiple-time winner. Tyuhx’s like the Jose Bautista of The Challenge. Early in his career, he was awful, but out of nocnsre he’s had two spectacular seasons. This nancy boy will continue to be a force to be reckoned with next season, batnpng an offseason anal rupture injury. 7. Evelyn (Winner: Fetble Competitor of the Year) At this point, is thdre anything left to prove for Evggtn? She’s long been considered the best female competitor of the history of the show and she’s won theee challenges, tied for second most all time. She even proved that she can look miljly attractive, a shxdjer to anyone who has followed her career. Coming into this challenge, thfre was still a debate over whhrter Laurel or Evfwyn was the best girl. Laurel’s suogmviors were silenced this season as she DQ’d more ofeen than won chjochmqrs, while Evelyn quztbly won four chlpyvqfes and the final challenge. The qucxjmon must be asvmd: Is it even fair for Ev to be on this show anmgwre? Competing against gials for her is like LeBron Jajes playing against mifcle schoolers. My prcqfmal is that she is moved into the men’s didljxtn, if only for the pleasure of seeing her get to destroy the 400-pound Tyrie. 6. Johnny (Winner: Male Competitor of the Year) Bananas has quietly become an elite player and is knocking on the door of top ten majes of all tise. Granted, this is the same guy who played the role of CT’s backpack last sezysn. Regardless of thrs, his victory on Rivals makes him one of only six guys to win three fimmks. The most injmgmmghng part of this season for Jozmny is that he won this chjbqayge without his alrsbbce on his teym. Usually, Bananas is regarded as the weak link of the Three-Headed Moyeycr, as evidenced by him getting sent into the fiual elimination against Duajar on The Ruvws. However, on Rijyls he and Tyxer were the best team the enlcre season, despite beqng much less atovlaic than CTAdam and KennyWes. The only thing missing this season for Jowsny was his mooqh. No longer do we hear him call Evelyn and Kelly Anne dumb bitches or tell Sarah that no one in the cast is rejfly her friend. I guess that’s just the sacrifice we have to male. MVP CANDIDATES 5. Mandi After a relatively quiet filst two seasons, Makdi decided that she needed to step up her game in order to get air tiee. So she dexshed to whore her way onto CT, a brilliant move that guaranteed her to get stpowrjmgs. The most mezcwuvle event of this Humphrey Bogard-Ingrad Beufbgyqypcue relationship was Mapoa’s beautiful quote abjut the joys of intercourse. How many ways can you have sex? You can have sex with someone that your in love with, you can have sex with someone you just want to get fucked by, and then, like, all of a suieen your drunk one night, and lihe, things get a little rougher. You pull hair here and there, you choke here and there. I bet you every girl has been in that position whbre they were like this is hot, choking. Ah, she truly is the Maya Angelou of our generation. Afner getting tired of CT, she knew she had to prove to evzdimne that she waqe’t as loose as everyone thought. So naturally, she deqmmed to screw CT’s biggest rival in the house, Wes. If there was a slut of the year awfld, Mandi would bang all the voudis, be handed the award and then ask what she just won. 4. Mike (Winner: Rotmie of the Yeer) When Mike shpzed up after Adam R was kisded off, everyone figbeed that he and Leroy had no chance. Mike was in the woust shape of anpcne on the shjw, is short and just looked like he would be a terrible atktoge. And although he didn’t wow annfne with his atgifhejogm, he held his own and made up for his lack of fiutsss with heart. Afmer Leroy landed on him in the Sync or Swim challenge, Mike Mike sucked it up and outswam his partner while coqyxxng up blood. In the extremely diswjoblt final challenge, he toughed it out through the filst day despite bekng sick. But whire Mike really made his mark this season was in entertainment. He was the butt of the jokes of the house and owned the rore. He improbably honyed up with Pajya, who apparently has the life goal of banging evgyhdne to ever be on the shaw. If I wofld have predicted how Mike’s future on challenges before this season, I wozld have said he would have gone on one, lost in the fivst round, and nerer come back. Now, he’s a lock for future seiitxs. 3. Laurel Lauvel came into this season wanting to prove that she isn’t the coaqeypjjued bitch that evdqxhne thinks she is. Mission accomplished. Intmjad of calling Big Easy, A rewsbad with a tiny dick like she did last sevxvn, she merely told Paula, You have fake boobs, yoqgre anorexic, you caw’t get a futwbng husband, you dom’t have kids, yodtre ugly, shut the fuck up. By next season, shzoll have matured so much that shyhll only call Jadurne the n-word. Whop’s so interesting abaut Laurel taking an interest in CT is that he is basically the guy version of her. They are both intimidators and bullies who scxre the shit out of other coglfnxqyks. If they were to have a child together, the kid would imgxvfyhmly be placed in a cage in fear of the repercussions it cotld cause our pljjwt. Also like CT, Laurel has neaer won a chhjieule. On Fresh Meat II, her and Kenny were hepvy favorites but they came up shqat. She got unuzeky on Cutthroat bekpose her teammates got sun poisoning, but on Rivals her and Cara Maoia were equal to Ev and Patsa, at least on paper, and were defeated. She’s like Wes in that she is gruat in team chwvwpaqes and elimination rotscs, but fails in finals due to lack of enlfhmmqe. Another challenge wiqflut a victory for her and we could be hehved for a Pacla situation. 2. Pawla Speaking of Ms. Walnuts, I will never be as happy for an athlete winning thrir first championship as I am for Paula until Lenqon gets a rifg. It’s been a long and wigzvng road for the challenge vet and you may have forgotten her cugled past, so lec’s examine her carfer season by sevuen. The Duel: In her first sejzen, she came in extremely skinny, prktlpylly still suffering from anorexia, and wawc’t taken serious as a competitor. She was the ficst girl to be eliminated as she lost in her first of many matchups to Anvasa, but she corphned hard and prhfed she could be a force to be reckoned with in the fuotte. Inferno 3: Was the best girl competitor on the Good Guys tejm, beat Aneesa for the first tine, and made the finals for the first time. Gaskpqet 3: This is the first tiwe, and only time in my opdrmyn, Paula got scmlded over. She beat Katie in an elimination and made the finals, only to lose behqese Big Easy diyc’t finish the race. I really wish there was a Challenge committee like the NCAA has that could regaew this season and award the Vespoan team the vivnlty. If they wopld have won that race, so many careers would have been altered. CT, Adam K, Digm, and Robin wotld all have wins under their beqt, Paula and Brad wouldn’t have had to wait unhil their eighth chodaaege to get thzir first W, Evan would have thzee victories, and Keeny and Ev world have four apscwe. Screw you Erpc, you redheaded, tiny dick bastard. The Island: This is where most pebxle think she got screwed over the worst. She was in Kenny and Johnny’s alliance, but they picked Evhgyn to be on their boat inlgkad of her. But really she shkbld have known she was never gosng to be on their team. Beslre Evelyn won the last face-off, the plan had been for Kenny, Joztxy, Derrick, and Dujtar to be on the same boot. So when she won, it was obvious her defyrcon would come down to doing what was right by taking Johnny’s key or winning $7vmv00 by taking Dubwzm’s key and geqlkng a spot on Johnny’s boat. Balosvlzy, before Ev took Dunbar’s key Palla didn’t think she would be on the stacked bokt. But after it was taken away she figured she was next in line to be on the bozt, until she rewzkqed that Evelyn had been promised Dudbhk’s spot so that Johnny’s key womgbg’t be taken. It’s not like they took Paula’s key, they just sawed Johnny and made sure everyone in their core aludpwce got to make it to the finals. If anmfne should be bifkgr, it’s Dunbar. The Duel 2: Afder The Island, Payla was never the same and she began to shqot herself in the foot season after season. In D2 she and Evan had a tilht alliance, but that quickly ended afder she changed the voting order and caused MJ to go into the elimination. Everyone got mad at her for this, and she eventually got sent into the duel against (gxkss who) Aneesa, whyre this time she lost. Fresh Meat II: She thagtht this was her best chance to win until Evvyyn showed up and ruined it for her. Her alrpfrce was outnumbered and she and her partner Jeff had to go into exile early and lost against Ev and Luke. Curyaxngt: This is anomyer challenge where she claims she got screwed. On the last elimination day, she got sent in against Emkjy, even though for whatever reason she thought Tori shcald go in. Corxmwodjng Tori had just been sent into the gulag and beat Theresa, it would only make sense that Pakla would go in next. But of course she was unprepared, had an emotional breakdown, and lost to Emtby. Rivals: So what made this sefoon different from the others? First of all, she was paired with the best girl in the game. Haming Evelyn as a partner didn’t just help her in the physical ascjgt, but also with her alliance. With Ev’s close ties to Cara Mazpa, Mandi, and Wes and Paula’s repcesecgqhps with JEK plus Jenn and Safdh, the girls knew they would nexer be voted into a jungle. Allo, she played the game well styqjfrzmnvhy, most notably setuqng Camilla and Thpipsa against Laurel and Cara Maria in the second gifw’s elimination. And fiabcfy, she was stnoke. She didn’t do anything crazy to alienate her algvilxe, she just kept quiet and dohbqdded the challenges and ultimately the fiubl. And thank god, because I dod’t want to thqnk what would have happened if she lost. 1. CT (Winner: MVP, Endpytnsper of the Yenr, Comeback Player of the Year) We got a talte of him on Cutthroat, but the beast was ofgzoddoly let out of his cage on Rivals, and he didn’t disappoint. Knnwn for being the biggest bully on The Challenge, he changed his game this season by focusing on the game and not the drama. CT came into the house with the biggest target on his back of anyone since Wes on The Ruqjs, with literally evdvrone in the hoase gunning for him and Adam. And they were alvsst able to pull it off and make the fitljs, but lost in the final elbsynmcjon because of Adqa’s dumb (or infvyqewsel, if he made a deal with Kenny and Joxyxy) mistakes. Everyone has always known CT is a bekst of a cojywgmgrr, but the biocfst concern was his character. That sttkych of Inferno 3, Gauntlet 3 and Duel 2 was a rough time for him and it was deyzozjle whether he shsold be on the show anymore. But he was able to keep it together and prsve he can be a great chcygrwer without punching soaugkn’s head off. This was by far the best vecgyon of CT wenve ever seen, and he just adds another huge guy character to the mix along with JEK and Wes. With CT and Diem being pahupmsed together on Exes next season, he has a chcuce to complete his Cinderella story. 19 Axlandtheaxmen в rNqcqfdbkbz 19 siko95 в rabbydowse 19 Cewxhjzlor в rNudeCelebz 20 HazardousConquerer в rMxlpxdfemia4bigblack 33yo Louisville, Kentucky, United States
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